


Love is Watching Someone Die

by mm8



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Children of Earth Compliant, Christmas, Declarations Of Love, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Love Confessions, M/M, Matchmaking, Mistaken Identity, Past Character Death, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 07:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/595246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm8/pseuds/mm8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack has been running away from his past for a long time. But when he meets a familiar face in an Earth pub, everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is Watching Someone Die

Jack had been running from his past for a long time. He'd stopped counting years long ago. There weren't enough liquor bottles in the universe to get rid of his guilt. He had lost everything important to him in his life. He had lost what shred of a normal family he'd gained. Jack knew he probably was never going to see his daughter ever again, not after…

And then there was Ianto. He felt there were still no words to express the loss of his lover. Maybe there never would be. But he knew with the death of Ianto Jones came the death of his own personal happiness.

Jack took another sip of his martini and pondered as he looked out into the dance floor. He was getting too sentimental, too soft. He needed a good shag to forget about all this unwanted pain. But still… maybe he'd take a quick trip back to Earth. Just to see how Gwen and Rhys were making out. See how their baby was. Maybe they named it Jack. He barked out a laugh. Yeah, like that would ever happen. But he would like to catch up with those two before he headed out in exile again. A hermit needed a break every now and then.

♪

The Vortex Manipulator roughly landed him on a street in London. Great, this wasn't where he wanted to be. The Manipulator was broken, _again_. It was such a pain in the ass fixing the damn thing without the proper tools. Oh well, he'd hitch a ride on the train to Cardiff in the morning. At least it had the sense to transport him near a bar. Jack trudged through the thick snow to the _The Posh Nosh Lounge_. The quaint place was decorated with tinsel, snowflakes dangling from the ceiling, mistletoe under every door, and a trimmed tree near where the bands played. Must be close to Christmas. What a depressing time of year, Jack thought to himself as he took an empty bar stool. Every bloody Christmas something horrible had gone wrong for Earth to scare them shitless about aliens. The first meeting with the Sycorax in 2005 being the worst.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Jack's blue eyes glanced up at the bartender. She was a pretty, young woman with bleached blonde hair and a rack that would put the Amazons of Talog to shame. Her brown eyes shone with pure innocence, though, something Jack hadn't seen in a long time."Unless you can travel through time in a police box and save the world, a bottle of scotch is all I need."

The young woman backed away from him. For once, he wasn't in the mood to pick up a one-night stand. He just wanted to be left alone.

There was some shuffling and scraping as the bar stool next to him was moved. The new occupant chuckled. "Don't you think you were being a bit harsh? She's just a silly human, after all."

Jack whipped his head around. He couldn't believe it! Sitting there, in untraditional blue jeans and t-shirt was the Doctor. He looked older than the last time they had met. Jack could swear he saw some gray hairs near his temples. The Doctor seemed slightly more haggard, and that didn't sit well with Jack. The Doctor was supposed to be immaculate. He peered down. At least he was still wearing those white trainers.

"What? Not even going to say hello?"

Jack opened his mouth but no words came out, it was too dry. What, after all this time the Doctor still had this kind of effect on him?

"I'll start." The Doctor reached for the his hand and held it gently as if he was fragile. "Me, the Doctor," he pointed to himself as he shook Jack's hand. "You…" he let the answer hang.

He gathered what saliva he could to moisten his mouth to answer in a croak. "Captain Jack."

The Doctor smiled brightly and let go. "Good, you've not become an invalid then." He gestured to the writing on his t-shirt. "Like my shirt? I just got it the other day."

Jack squinted in the dimly lit bar to read the script: "Trust Me, I'm A Doctor". He grimaced. This was completely out-of-character for the Doctor he had always known. It was like he was going through a mid-life crisis or something. Did Time Lords even have mid-life crises or a mid-life? "Doc, I'm going to be blunt. You've _really_ changed since the last time I saw you."

The Time Lord frowned and tilted his head like a dog. "When _was_ the last time you saw me, Jack?"

He raised his eyebrows. Was the Doctor mad? Had he suffered memory loss? "Why? Don't you remember, Doc?"

"Just tell me, Jack." The ancient Time Lord's voice was flat and serious. "When was the last time you saw me?" 

"At that bar in Zog." Jack stated this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You introduced me to Alonso, remember?"

The Doctor sighed heavily. It seemed as though weight was being put on his shoulders instead of being taken off. "Jack, I never met you on Zog." He held up a slender finger when Jack began to protest. "I'm not _that_ Doctor." When his friend still looked puzzled, he continued. "Remember Donna and the Medusa Cascade?"

Jack nearly fell off his bar stool. "You're the hand!?" 

"Oi!" The Doctor punched his arm. "There's nothing wrong with being born from a hand! Plus I was born with the help of Donna Noble, one of the most brilliant people in the universe, thank you very much."

"But weren't you with Rose in the other reality?"

The Doctor looked down at his trainers. "Well, yes."

"Then how the hell are you here, if you don't mind me asking? I don't think the real Doctor would be too fond of you gallivanting about, you know?"

The half Time Lord shot him an angry look. "Don't fucking talk to me like I'm a child." He spit every word with disgust. " _He_ doesn't control my life. Not anymore!" Abruptly, he stood up, sending the bar stool crashing to the floor, causing other patrons to turn their heads towards them. "I saw you here and I thought 'Hey Jacky boy's here! Maybe he'll understand this shit I'm going through! Maybe he'll be a friend I can lean on! I guess I was wrong again, wasn't I? I'm only a hand, right?! Well, fuck you Jack Harkness!" He fled the bar with lighting speed, leaving a trail of whispers behind him. 

It took Jack five seconds to realize what had happened. Cursing at himself, he put a few pounds on the bar for the scotch he was sure was never going to come anyway, and dashed out the door to find his friend. 

The cold night air stung his face and the wind whipped through his hair. The street was more crowded than it had been an hour ago when he first transported here. He peered over the crowd searching for a familiar mop of hair. There he was, almost at the end of the block! Jack sprinted through the hoard. He had to get to the Doctor in time. In time before what he wasn't sure and didn't really want to find out. He was a good ten paces behind the half Time Lord now. Jack wanted to call out his name, but frankly he didn't know what to shout. This Doctor wasn't his Doctor. He was a different being completely if his behavior at _The Posh Nosh Lounge_ was average. Jack watched as he turned sharply into an alley and he didn't falter as he pursued him. But he skidded to a sudden halt when he realized he wasn't in an alley… he was in a TARDIS.

Jack felt as though he was going to faint and that was something that was nearly impossible for him to do. This TARDIS looked almost identical to the one his Doctor had. It had a few tweaks here and there that caused it to have its own charm.

"We made it. Rose and I."

Jack looked up to see the half Doctor standing with his hands buried in his pockets, leaning against the console, a gesture he had seen his Doctor perform so many times. Jack steadied himself against a wall. "But… how?"

He shrugged. "Half Time Lord, remember? Just came naturally." He turned away from Jack and began caressing the console. "Had a lot of adventures in this TARDIS with Rose. Dinosaurs, Ice Warriors, seeing Elvis perform on the Ed Sullivan Show. That man could _really_ move his hips. Nothing like seeing it in person…"

"Doc—" Jack stopped and shook his head. "Where's Rose?"

The man briefly glanced at Jack than turned his eyes upward. The Doctor's eyes were so sad, so tired. They were the eyes of someone who had seen so much. 

Jack thought back to the man's angry words at the bar and thought back to his own prejudiced ones. He gingerly walked toward the console and stood beside him. He had a great urge to hold the half-Doctor's hand in reassurance, or maybe something more. But he felt that this Doctor wouldn't want that right now. Hell, his own Doctor wouldn't have appreciated that. "I'm sorry, Doc—Doctor." He sighed and looked upon the great column of the console. "I know you're more than just a hand. I mean you're him, aren't you?" Jack shifted his gaze and his eyes met the other man's. "But you're _not_ him too. You have Donna's DNA in you. You're partially human. I guess it takes some getting used to." He blew air out through his cheeks. 

Jack gasped as he felt cold skin touch his hand. He glanced down to see the Doctor's hand wrapped around his own. Jack warily lifted his eyes to the half-Doctor's, they were warm and accepting. Jack flipped his hand over and they automatically intertwined their fingers. It felt… right.

The half-Doctor smiled. "All is forgiven, my friend." He squeezed Jack's hand. "Why don't you stay for a while? You know like old times?"

Jack didn't have to be asked twice.

♪

Soon a week had gone by for the time-traveling duo. John (the half Time Lord insisted that Jack call him by the Doctor's Earth alias. He had adopted the name during his stay in the other reality to blend in) had taken him places that he'd never seen before like the second Roman Empire, the moon landing, and New New York. They had countless adventures and scrapes and laughs. But John was still holding back from Jack. He still hadn't told him where Rose was, but Jack didn't want to push the matter. John seemed to get emotional whenever something reminded him of his companion.

And to Jack's utter frustration, John hadn't responded to his flirting. He used all of his usual 51st century pick-up lines, and even resorted to using some cheesy 21st century ones. But John would smile or chuckle and continue babbling about the TARDIS controls or some important historical figure. The original Doctor had responded to his advances. Hell, they even slept together on occasion. So why wasn't John reacting in the same way?

Jack was lying on his bed; arms behind his head, watching the TARDIS change the lights to a multitude of colors from calming blues to angry reds. To heighten the effect, the TARDIS showed images on the ceiling such as picturesque views of the Boeshane Peninsula and Cardiff. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes as memories, good and bad, flooding back to him of his homes. Jack swung his legs over the side of his bed and was about to grab a tissue when a loud crash startled him.

John had burst into the room, a look of panic on his face. He rushed over to Jack's side and started feeling his vitals. "Jack, Jack, are you okay? She told me you were in distress."

He could only assume that by 'she' John meant the TARDIS. He shook his head and discreetly wiped his eyes. "No, I'm fine."

John seemed dismayed. "Are you sure?" The half-Doctor appeared embarrassed to be present now. He had come in such a hurry that he hadn't bothered to change and was only wearing a pair of boxers. 

Jack scooted closer to John and touched his thigh. "Unless… you'd like to stay with me tonight?" he whispered hotly.

The half Time Lord shot up in a flash, his face completely red. "Ah, no. No, I'm… good. Ah, if you need any help you know you can call me. I'm a doctor after all."

Jack smiled mischievously. "I'll be your patient _any_ day."

John spluttered and coughed. 

Internally, Jack was happy that John was reacting to his advances. All week long he hadn't gotten this much response.  
The halfling began to make wild gestures with his hands. "I think I'd better go. Allons-!" He dashed to the door and twisted the knob almost violently. John twisted his head back to him. "The door's locked."

Jack held up his hands in surrender. "Not me."

Simultaneously, they looked up at the ceiling and the dimming green lights. John shook his finger as if he was talking to a disobedient child. "Let me out now." He paused as the TARDIS hummed in response. "Well you ruddy well tricked me! If Rose was---" John immediately stopped and cursed underneath his breath. He slid down a wall and sat crossed-legged, arms over his chest and pouted. 

"What was all that about?" Jack's eyebrows were raised. 

John stretched out his legs and sighed. "She's playing some game. I dunno. Says she won't let us out for a few hours." He shook his head. "This wouldn't have happened in my old TARDIS."

 _Yeah, like the other TARDIS was so proper_ , Jack thought. But he said, "So what shall we do in the mean time?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Jack could have sworn he saw the half Time Lord blush again.

"How about a clean game of Go Fish, eh?"

During the next few minutes of setting up the game, Jack couldn't help but stare at John. He was so flawless. His human-Time Lord body was pale and well toned for his age. He still had a flat stomach and some slight brown hair on his chest. His boxers hung low enough on his waist to give Jack erotic thoughts of what was beneath. John had round, perky nipples. God, Jack imagined sucking them, making John moan and buck his hips…

"Ahem."

Jack raised his head to see John looking uncomfortable. 

"Can I change into some of your clothes? I feel a bit underdressed…"

He gave John the privacy he needed and in the meantime Jack had a deep think. For two years he had been running away from Earth, the 456, from Ianto's death. He'd drank too much, fucked whoever and whatever he'd could to get his mind off things. And that had been dandy for two years, until he met John. Suddenly, he was having those kinds of feelings he hadn't felt for anyone since Ianto. And Jack had sworn to himself that he'd never love anyone again after Ianto, that the Welshman would never be a blip in time for him. John stirred up his old feelings for the Doctor, yet awakened new ones for John himself. He wanted to get closer to him and take their relationship to the next level. But it seemed like it would disgrace Ianto's memory if he did. But how could you stop love? That was one thing Jack never knew how to do.

"How do I look?" John asked in a shy voice.

Jack glanced up from the pile of cards to see John wearing his own usual outfit, a pastel blue shirt and dark trousers with braces. They were all baggy on John's slight frame but it made him look so adorable. "You look charming." Jack smiled. "C'mon, I already dealt out all the cards."

They sat across from each other on Jack's bed in relative silence except for the occasional Go Fish questions. 

"What were you doing in here anyway?" John finally asked after five minutes had passed. His voice has a angry edge to it. Jack assumed it wasn't directed to him, but toward the TARDIS for lying.

"Ah, nothing much." He sorted out the matches in his hand. "Just relaxing. Got any Mark Twains?"

John shook his head. "Go Fish."

Jack laughed as he took a card from the deck. "I swear, you're the only person I know who has a Famous Authors Go Fish card game." 

The half-Doctor shrugged. "Got any Douglas Adams?"

Jack frowned as he surrendered the card.

John put down his match by his side and casually asked, "So why were you crying when I found you?"

He stiffened. "I wasn't crying."

"I beg to differ."

Jack could feel John's eyes bearing into his skull for an answer. This is what he hated about John. Well, not hated exactly. But John was always able to bring out the answers in him that he didn't want to say. In a way, maybe that was good. Jack glared at him for a split second. "So what if I was?"

John didn't falter. "I'd want to know why and want to comfort you." There was a pause. "That was all."

His lip trembled slightly. "Just… memories."

The half-Doctor put down his cards, the game already forgotten. "About what?"

"Why do you care!?" Jack shot back, his defenses kicking in.

"Because I lov—!" John stopped abruptly, clamping his mouth shut. 

"What?! Because you _what_ , John!?"

Without any warning, John cupped Jack's face and kissed him fiercely.

Jack's eyes remained open for a few seconds, not believing what was happening. But John's lips felt so warm, so soft… and this was what he had always wanted. His arms snaked around John's back and pulled him closer. John's tongue requested access, and Jack quickly granted it. Their tongues began to dance in an erotic rhythm, exploring each other as if their lives depended on it. Oh God, Jack was getting hard… He wondered if anyone else had felt like this before… Oh God…

Jack suddenly pushed John back, ending the moment. John, his lips swollen, looked hurt. "Where's Rose?"Jack asked rashly. "How could you do this to Rose?"

John seemed astonished. "Oh yeah? What about your Welsh chap, Ianto? I thought you two were pretty serious."

"He _died_!" Jack screamed. Then it all hit him at once. Ianto… was dead. He was never coming back. He had been 25 years old. And he died in his arms. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair… Jack buried his face in his hands and let the tears flow. He'd been running away from Ianto's death for two years. And it all came down to this moment. Ianto Jones was dead and he was never going to see him again. He was never going to crack a smart alack remark again. Never going to make another brilliant cup of coffee again. Never going to save the world again… because he was dead. Jack would never be able to feel his warm touch, be able to wake up and hear his snores…. Never again. 

Jack felt arms wrap around his torso and pull him toward a lanky frame. There was a small pressure of John laying his chin on his head. He felt himself being gently rocked back and forth. "It's okay," John whispered in his ear." It's okay. I know how you feel."

The broken Captain raised his head and saw that John was crying too. "What do you mean?"

John forced a smile. "Rose." He gulped. "She died, Jack. Not by Cyberman or Daleks, no. By a car. Kind of ironic, don't you think?" John let out a quiet sob. "We were fighting that day too. Over something stupid probably, I had forgotten what it was about two minutes after she left the house. And on her way to work… the roads were icy and her brakes failed…"

Jack reached out and held John, kissing his temples.

John continued, his voice becoming high-pitched and desperate. "When I saw you it brought back all the old feelings I had for you. And over this week I think I've been falling in love with you. But I didn't think I had a chance since you were with—"

Jack interrupted him by softly kissing his lips. "We're quite a pair, aren't we?" He chuckled.

They both whirled their heads around when they heard a loud click and the door to Jack's bedroom opened by itself. They looked at each other and laughed.

♪

"You sure about this?" John asked, his hand posed on the Helmic Regulator.

Jack grinned. "Positive. It's time I got home. With you." He grasped John's other hand. 

"Do you think they'll like me?" John's voice was full of insecurity. "I mean, I was Torchwood's official number one target. And Gwen was Torchwood…"

"Hey, I was Torchwood and I'm dating you. She'll be fine. And if she's not… tough." 

John rolled his eyes and twisted the Helmic Regulator to winter 2010. "Okay, here we go!"

The TARDIS shifted and the column moved. They were off on another adventure, but this time it was more exciting than ever before.

**Author's Note:**

> * Kudos are amazing and I will never stop asking for them, but getting comments, actual feedback from readers means so much. Taking five seconds out of your time can really make my day.
>   
> 
> * You can follow me on [tumblr](http://mm8fic.tumblr.com/).
>   
> 


End file.
